


It'll Be Like I Never Left

by LadyDae



Series: Distortion Universe [4]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Canon Divergence - Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008), F/M, Suitless Darth Vader, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyDae/pseuds/LadyDae
Summary: Months after their time-traveling adventure in an alternate past, the words of Darth Vader's younger alternate self stick with him.For what it's worth coming from me, I don't think it's too late for you to turn back either.Vader wants to find out if that's true, but that also means having to tell Ahsoka what that's going to mean when he does.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Darth Vader, Ahsoka Tano/Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano
Series: Distortion Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543696
Comments: 32
Kudos: 273
Collections: Anakin_and_Ahsoka





	It'll Be Like I Never Left

**Author's Note:**

> I have been studying and researching for a paper for days and I need a break. So I decided to edit and post this.
> 
> If you have not read Force Distortion, I'd advise you go back and read it as this short spoils some stuff that happens in there. No. Seriously, go read it if you haven't. It takes place between the last chapter and the epilogue. And you're going to be so confused if you don't. But if you insist on reading this as a one-shot like I know some of you are, here's the background.
> 
> 1) This story is out of an alternate universe where Ahsoka never left the Jedi, but Rots still happens, just a little differently. And after some time apart and being pissed at each other, Ahsoka and Vader come to a truce to take down Sidious. Vader's not quite suitless. He does have a really bad lung injury that requires the suit in combat, but he can do daily tasks without it.
> 
> 2) Somewhere along the way of plotting against Sidious and raising the twins together, Ahsoka and Vader manage to mend their broken relationship and become something more. Each other's "hearts" which in this world stems from some word in togruti that has no Basic equivalent for the concept but directly translates to "heart in Basic.
> 
> 3) Because Vader is Vader and for political reasons, Vader gives Ahsoka half (a little more than half actually) of his executive power and gives Ahsoka the function of empress in her own right though they call the position by a different name. They're also married (for reasons explained in the previous story that you really need to go read if you need this recap)
> 
> 4) This takes place roughly between 20 and 21 years after Rots and a little over a decade after they overthrew Sidious in this universe.
> 
> Got it? Okay. Enjoy the story. And really, go read Force Distortion if you haven't.

Vader knew the exact moment that Ahsoka became aware of his presence approaching by the brief flare of her Force signature right before he walked into her office. She turned around just as he opened the door, her face lighting up when she laid eyes on him as she sent fond and loving warmth across their bond, likely not on purpose because almost instinctively, he reciprocated by sending the same feelings but cooler across the bond. She smiled in response, and Vader had to make sure to shield her from the resulting guilt and sorrow the reaction caused.

Only the Force knew why, after all this time, his presence could still inspire such positive feelings in her. He hadn’t always been as kind or caring to her as he should have been in the last two decades, and that was if he’d been kind or caring at all.

Diya, a togruta woman that Ahsoka had picked up from her homeworld long ago back when overthrowing Sidious was barely more than a plan they’d come up with in his quarters on a Star Destroyer, noticed Ahsoka’s distraction and turned to look at the entryway.

“Lord Vader,” she said, turning fully to him and gaining the attention of everyone in the room. They stood to their feet for him as a result, with only Ahsoka continuing to sit at her desk.

He smirked as he sensed the apprehension in the room at his presence in Ahsoka’s office right before they were about to pass some new initiative into law. He didn’t particularly blame them. Usually, anytime he was present when the Senate was in session, it meant he and his office were about to contest a new initiative and make Ahsoka's and her staff's day a lot harder than they’d intended.

Sensing the same apprehension, Ahsoka rose to her feet and gestured for everyone to return to what they were doing before Vader entered as she said in a teasing tone, “Don’t worry. If His Majesty, had any intention of circumventing this new initiative, he wouldn’t be in my office right before he was about to do it.”

“As she usually is, Her Majesty is correct,” Vader said, and only then did the tension in the room alleviate.

“Only usually?” Ahsoka asked as she crossed her arms.

“Only,” Vader confirmed.

Diya rolled her eyes from beside Ahsoka, looking uncannily like Ahsoka though she wasn’t pretending to be her. But Vader supposed after two decades of acting the part of his former apprentice when she needed to because of how alike they looked, it wasn’t something the younger togruta woman could turn off, even when there was no need.

“That may be true, my lord,” Diya said in a tone that only she could get away with because of years of loyalty and familiarity, “But that does beg the question of why you are here when the Senate will be convening in less than ten minutes. Certainly not to just flirt with and distract the Amidala?”

“And what if it was?”

“It never is just that.”

“Diya, as always, you wound me,” Vader responded dryly.

Diya didn’t respond, only leveled him with an unimpressed look.

“Diya, stop it,” Ahsoka said, going along with their old routine that had somehow ended up being a game.

At first, he hadn’t gotten along with Ahsoka’s closest confidant, advisor, decoy, and assistant. Most of it stemmed from the beginnings of their plot to overthrow Sidious when his and Ahsoka’s alliance was tenuous at best even as they were working through the feelings of anger, hate, and betrayal towards each other for the initial fallout that was the birth of Sidious’ Empire. Vader definitely hadn’t been particularly kind toward Ahsoka then. And even later, when they’d mostly forgiven each other and moved on from the past, Vader couldn’t afford to show his caring for his former apprentice less Sidious sense it and try to use it against him. Diya hadn’t seen it that way, though, having only tolerated him because Ahsoka made her and even standing up to him on Ahsoka’s behalf a few times even after Vader threatened to kill her. Over the years, that mutual animosity had softened to a somewhat grudging tolerance of each other, their only common ground being they both cared for Ahsoka in their own ways.

Diya gave Vader one more withering look that Vader raised an unimpressed eyebrow at before she busied herself with something else in the office.

“Seriously,” Ahsoka said as she walked around the desk and grabbed his hands in hers. She pressed a quick peck on his lips before saying, “Why are you here?”

Vader shrugged. “Just thought I’d sit in with you today. You know. To make sure you’re still effectively ruling the Empire.”

She didn’t fall for it. He sensed it in the Force before she made that patronizing humming noise and asked, “Is that so, Skyguy?”

He shrugged a little, trying to shield his bashfulness at her calling him out for his lie. If she sensed it—and she probably did because there was little they could hide from each other anymore—she didn’t say anything. She simply laughed again, giggled really, before pecking him on the lips again and leading him to the center of the room where Diya and some of her staff were waiting so they could rise to the center of the Senate rotunda, and Ahsoka could convene today’s session.

Once convened, he paid little attention to what they were going over as he observed Ahsoka leaning on her fist, listening with a patient smile as she let opposers (mostly new representatives trying to get their feet wet) to her proposed initiative state their piece while her staff skillfully rebutted their concerns. It must not have been an overly pressing issue if Ahsoka was allowing her staff to mediate the debate. Nothing like the slavery issue and the heated debate surrounding it that had come up six years back where Ahsoka set the unyielding stance and tone for how both branches of the executive office and the courts would deal with any system caught dabbling in the trade. But ruling was a skillful balance of knowing when to intervene and call the shots and when to trust the sectors and the Senate to decide best on an issue, even if it wasn’t a solution she would have come to. Ahsoka understood that better than him, though goodness knew getting Leia and Luke through their stubborn teenage years had finally taught him that to an extent.

He smiled some. Ahsoka had certainly come into her own over the years. Way beyond anything he could take credit for even if he’d trained her and then deemed her suitable for the position of empress, most proven by the fact that she’d renamed the position after his dead wife. Most people thought the move had something to do with him, and even he’d made that mistake. But really, Ahsoka had done it for herself and the relationship she had with Padmé. In the self-centeredness of his younger years, he’d hadn't comprehended that he wasn’t the only one to whom Padmé had meant something. That just because people had moved on with much greater ease and coped with their grief easier than he had didn’t mean Padmé hadn’t been important to others besides himself.

Padmé had unknowingly mentored Ahsoka for this role long before the togruta woman was running a rebellion and later ruling an Empire. Naming the position after her made his dead wife continue to be Ahsoka’s mentor from the grave in a way. And though he’d introduced the two, that relationship had nothing to do with Vader. How Ahsoka ruled had nothing to do with him. She didn’t make decisions with him as the sole deciding factor, even though at one time he’d tried to make it so. Her decisions, in general, didn’t revolve around him, no matter that they were married or how close to or protective of him she was. No matter that they were each other’s hearts as her native language put it.

Vader hadn’t learned that in time with Padmé, and he’d hurt her (maybe killed her though he wasn’t sure and he was too coward to ask the Force for that truth) as a result. She hadn’t had the power to fight back or resist his considerable power when he tried to force her to see his way after the Old Republic had fallen. Luckily, Ahsoka had that power as proven by their rivalry back in the days of their plot to overthrow Sidious.

When Vader raised his lightsaber against her, Ahsoka raised her own. When he used the Force against her, she used the Force to push back. Until, finally, he figured out that the galaxy didn’t revolve around him, even after he became one of its rulers. And for that reason, Vader's relationship with his current wife was all the better than the one with his first one had been, though he was sure he and Padmé might have gotten there. His encounter with the alternate Padmé from another timeline a few months ago had proven that. But no use dwelling on the past. He was happy in this present despite the tragedy and mistakes that made it so. Perhaps that younger alternate Anakin Skywalker wouldn’t make the same mistakes he had. The mistakes he was still making…

Ahsoka turned her gaze away from the proceedings and suddenly caught his gaze, likely feeling his gaze on her and probably catching a stray thought through his mental shields that didn’t keep her out unless he was actively trying.

She nudged him through the Force. _What’s wrong?_

He didn’t reply and only sent her mental reassurance and a small smile. She smiled back, though concern was apparent in her blue eyes, and Vader knew he wouldn’t be able to put off telling her what he had decided for long.

The initiative passed to a majority of the Senate’s approval, though Ahsoka didn’t need their approval if she’d wanted to pass it anyway, and she ended the session. Once they were back in her semi-public office, her staff and advisors immediately began commentary to her about the new law and suggestions for how his own branch of the executive power would enforce it.

Ahsoka raising her hand immediately brought silence upon the group.

“Clear the room,” she said while looking directly at him and leaving no room for argument.

Without question, everyone filed out with Diya being the last. The other togruta woman gave him a long questioning look to which he nodded. She pursed her lips like she wanted to say something but kept her mouth closed and palmed the door closed behind her after she left.

Ahsoka stared at him contemplatively but didn’t start the conversation, instead giving him a chance to be ready to say whatever it was he needed to.

Rather than beginning, Vader walked over to the window and looked out toward the Old Jedi Temple, now a public memorial and tourist attraction. It hadn’t been visible from Sidious’ old office at the Senate, rarely used once he'd made the Old Jedi Temple his palace, but like everything with this new Imperial Era, Ahsoka had changed many things with her touch.

Eventually, she came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him with one hand on his abdomen and another on his chest, right over the old scar that she’d been responsible for after his initial fall to the dark side. Montrals included, she was just as tall as him on most days though not quite eye-level to him. Today though, her boots gave her a little more height than him with their tall thin heel, one of the few impractical things about her wear as Amidala and something that had become an indulgence for her over the years.

Other than the impractical shoes, she wasn’t a big fan of the long, modest, constricting robes and dresses that her subordinates and past Galactic rulers had favored, complaining that she'd kill herself if she ever had to fight in those outfits. Instead, she favored tights and fitted mid-thigh dresses and dress suits with belts where she could hook her lightsabers. All of which had caused a media scandal over not being modest enough or befitting of a Galactic Ruler when she’d first showed up at the Senate in one very early in her rule. Ahsoka's response had been to wear some sleeveless and backless getup that was reminiscent of what she’d favored wearing during the latter period of her padawanship to him back when they were both Jedi. No one had complained about her fashion choices as Amidala since then, probably fearing that she’d show up in some slave costume getup next if they pushed the matter.

Vader had gotten a good chuckle out of that whole affair for days afterward.

“You’re going to make me ask. Aren’t you?”

“No. I just…” Vader trailed off, feeling less like the fearsome Sith that he still proclaimed to be and more like his old self. Nine years a slave, thirteen years as a Jedi, and another decade or so serving a Sith master where he wasn’t allowed to express his emotions with the latter only accepting hate and anger made it difficult for him to express his thoughts, even though he was no longer constrained by the ideas that governed his former experiences ten years later.

“I’ve been thinking,” he finally began, “About that other timeline.”

“Oh?”

Vader continued, “I talked to that Padmé. She’d figured out I was Vader long before we ever got to Lothal and said she was glad that I was able to move on from her death in this universe. I didn’t argue the point with her, but really I wasn't responsible for that feat. The credit for that goes to you. If you hadn’t intervened, if you hadn’t come up with a plan…”

Vader could probably look to see what the future would have been if Ahsoka hadn’t, but he’d already seen the bleak future of one universe where Ahsoka had permanently (though that hadn't been her intention) walked away from another version of him very early on. He wasn’t interested in seeing another.

“Well, I did intervene and come up with a plan, so let’s not worry about if I hadn’t,” Ahsoka whispered, pressing a kiss on his chin.

“I know, but that got me to thinking if I’ve really changed from that person. Or would I damn myself and the galaxy again if I had to face a life without you in it?” Vader asked absently

He sensed the spike of apprehension from her in the Force as she let go of him and came around to face him.

“You didn’t have a vision, did you?”

“No,” he replied.

“And even if something did happen, someone has to be sane enough to look after Mé. And Luke and Leia are adults now, but they still need you. And—”

“I heard Luke and Leia crying in my visions of Padmé’s death and look how that turned out,” Vader replied pointedly.

“Okay. I don’t understand. What are you trying to say, Vader?”

“I’m saying… I’m saying I need to make sure that never happens again. I need to figure some things out.”

Ahsoka smiled at him and grabbed his hand. “Don’t we all?”

Vader didn’t smile back as he said, “I mean away from everything. The Empire, the children, and you. _Especially_ you.”

“Especially me?” Ahsoka asked softly.

Vader smiled. It was a testament to her maturity over the years that she hadn’t immediately taken that to mean the worst, instead patiently waiting for him to explain.

“Yes. I’m not saying I want to leave you. I don’t. You’ve become a shining beacon of light for me to look to even when I’d fallen to the furthest depths of darkness. And I thank you for that. I love you for that,” Vader added. “But for that same reason, I need to go away and even in this dark path that I’ve chosen find a light that comes from me, and not someone else's that I follow because it pleases them and lets me keep them around. I have a feeling that if I don’t figure this out now…”

He didn’t need to finish. The Force had a way of bringing things full circle. The last time he would have had to face this test, Ahsoka had circumvented it for him. But he couldn’t keep relying on someone else to intervene or circumvent destiny on his behalf.

“I don’t understand. Why…?”

Vader sighed, not because she wasn’t understanding, but because he could sense she did understand and was letting her fear overwhelm her. They hadn’t been faced with a long separation since letting themselves become lovers since before they defeated Sidious. And they certainly hadn’t faced it afterward. He’d go on a few military excursions now and then, but nothing longer than a month at a time or so and never more than a comm away. For the most part, the last decade had been spent mostly at each other’s side.

“Back in that other timeline, my other self said that he didn’t think it was too late for me to turn away from this path of self-destruction that you and the children have only helped me to mitigate. I have to see if that’s true. I have to see if I can learn to tame this darkness without anyone else doing it for me.”

Ahsoka paused to look at him, conflict both in her Force signature and her facial expression. Finally, she sighed, her Force signature and facial expression settling to one of acceptance and understanding as she asked barely above a whisper, “Where will you go?”

“Haven’t figured that out yet.”

“How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

“I don’t know.”

“When are you leaving?”

“A couple of days,” he replied vaguely.

“Luke and Leia will assume your duties as Emperor until you get back,” she said instantly, going into what he called her ‘Amidala mode.’ “I’m sure they won’t mind ta—”

“They won’t. They already know,” Vader admitted.

“And Mé—”

“She’ll behave. Insisted she’s going to keep an eye on me through the Force one way or another. Rex and Obi-wan promised to help you make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone. And Diya’s going to keep you out of trouble for me.”

“Am I the last person you’re telling this to?”

“Yes.”

Ahsoka didn’t like that. Nor was she pleased that people around her had known and didn’t say anything to her about his plans. On a normal occasion, when he wasn’t going on some sabbatical for only Force knew how long, that would have been enough for her to get angry at him and not talk to him for a week for not discussing this with her first. But Vader was sure she sensed that regardless of how she reacted, he was going. So rather than waste this time before their separation on anger, and she was definitely angry, she wrapped her arms around him and leaned her forehead on his shoulder while allowing him to feel her sadness completely overtake her anger through their old bond; a bond started as a Jedi master and apprentice bond and now something much greater.

“The galaxy is in good hands with you. I’m sure you can keep it from going back to war without me for a while. Don’t worry,” he said, returning her embrace.

“That’s not the hard part,” she said with a small laugh as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, Skyguy.”

“I’m not abandoning you, my heart. I’ll be back. And it’ll be like I never left. You’ll want me gone again by the time I get around to challenging one of your initiatives with the backing of the Senate,” he teased.

Ahsoka didn’t find the humor in it though, instead muttering, “Still.”

A memory came up between them; one Vader couldn’t be sure was his or hers being that they were so close it was hard to tell where she ended and he began sometimes. It was an old memory from before they deposed Sidious. Where Ahsoka, after months of legitimate reasoning on both their parts for not taking that last step, finally made them both face that they meant more to each other than just the last friend either of them had that they could trust with everything. A desperate plea to keep Vader from making an insane move in his fury against Sidious that not only might have cost them their plot to take the Empire but also might have killed him.

_If something happened to you, I don’t know if my heart could take it… Worse than that. You are my heart._

Finally, he replied, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was in a depressing mood when I wrote this weeks ago. Sue me. Anyway, this takes place between the last chapter and the epilogue of Force Distortion as a bridge between the Vader that told his younger alternate self that it was too late for him to turn back from the dark side and the one a few years late that Mé alludes to when she says he mostly goes by Anakin rather than Vader. He doesn't get there easily, and as Vader has determined above, it's something he has to do alone, leaving the woman who stood by him through it all behind temporarily.
> 
> Anyway, thanks in advance for the kudos, comments, and bookmarks. I appreciate it.


End file.
